Believe Your Why: Stop Leading for Approval and Start Leading on Purpose

As small business leaders, we want to make people proud—owners, clients, mentors, even our teams. The pull to please is strong. We react, we lose sight of why we lead in the first place.

I’ve felt that drift in my own life. When I’m honest, it happens most when my “why” isn’t visible. I tend to create scenarios in my head that don’t make sense and then I have limiting beliefs. Take for instance this blog, when I first wrote out the outline I didn’t believe in it because I didn’t have sight of my why. Over the week I found my why. So here it is, to empower people through my leadership journey. So I made a simple change and used my why to give you the tools that I have adopted and so I keep my why where I can see it every day—on my lock screen, and at the top of my journal. That reminder interrupts my reactions and brings me back to purpose.

If you’ve been leading for approval instead of on purpose, here are three reflections to help you believe your why again—and lead with more clarity and steadiness.

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1) What’s my why?

A clear why is owned, not borrowed. If your why is shaped mainly by fear, comparison, or someone else’s expectations, it won’t hold under pressure.

Try this:

• Write your current why in one sentence. No buzzwords. Plain language a 10-year-old would understand.
• Circle any words that point to external approval. (e.g., impress, prove, please, look good, avoid conflict.)
• Replace them with ownership words. (e.g., serve, build, steward, learn, create, develop, tell the truth.)

Signs your why isn’t fully yours:

• It changes in different rooms depending on who is watching.
• It’s vague enough to defend almost any decision.
• It leads to frantic pace and shallow wins.

A stronger alternative:

“I lead to build a business that teaches people through our work what trust looks like—consistently, profitably, and with care.”

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2) Does my Why need to change?

A good why is durable, but not static. Seasons change. Teams change. Markets change. Your why may need a tune-up—not because you failed, but because you grew.

Run a quick diagnostic:

• Is it still true? If you achieved your early goals, your why may need to move from survive to steward.
• Is it still useful? Can your team use it to make decisions without you?
• Is it still stretching you? A why that asks nothing new will put your leadership on cruise control.

If it needs a change, update it with constraints:

• Keep it one to two sentences.
• Make it observable. You should be able to point to behaviors that align with it.
• Make it decision-ready. If your calendar and budget can’t be shaped by it, it’s not clear enough yet.

Example shift:

• Then: “I want to be known for excellence.”
• Now: “We will deliver work that earns trust—on time, with clear communication, and no surprises.”

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3) What can I do today to strengthen my belief in my why?

Belief grows with aligned action. You don’t need a grand gesture; you need proof. Create small wins that reinforce who you are and what you’re building.

Five practical moves you can make today:

1. Make it visible. Put your why where you will see it: lock screen, desk, weekly agenda, the first slide of your team meeting.
2. Align your next three hours. Block one focused block that clearly advances your why. Protect it.
3. Say a clear no. Decline one request that competes with your why—and explain the decision.
4. Tell your team. Share your why in one sentence and one example of what it changes this week.
5. Track one metric that matches. Choose a simple measure (on-time delivery, client response time, team 1:1s held, cash on hand) and review it daily for the next two weeks.

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A quick exercise: the Why Card

Create a simple 3×5 card and keep it with you.

Front:

• My Why: (one sentence)
• This week, it looks like: (one concrete action)

Back:

• I will say no to: (one distraction)
• Evidence it’s working: (one metric)

Use the same card for a week. Then review and update. This small ritual builds trust in your own word.

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Leading on purpose changes culture

When your why is clear and present, you lead slower and stronger. Decisions steady. Communication sharpens. Your team begins to trust not just your intentions, but your patterns. That’s how small teams grow durable influence—without fear or control.

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Put it into practice this week

• Post your why where you’ll see it daily.
• Share it with your team. Ask them to reflect on how their work ties to it.
• Schedule one 30-minute block to take a concrete step that matches it.

If you’d like help sharpening your why—or aligning your team around it—I offer 1:1 leadership mentoring and strategic planning for small business owners and team leads. Schedule a short call.

Resources:

The Gap and the Gain – Dan Sullivan and Benjimine Hardy

The Preaseure Free CEO – Elle Ingalls

Your Authentic Voice -Arlen Motz Leadership

The Blue Collar Network

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Arlen Motz Leadership helps leaders stop relying on fear and control and start building clarity, trust, and sustainable influence. Learn more and read client stories at arlenmotz.com.