3 Ways to be curious as a Leader

I ask myself this often: How can I be curious without turning into a micromanager?

So many times I have found myself thinking “I could have done this job 3 times faster and way better.” When I get close to a deadline my trust is hard to keep in focus and I find it a challenge to leave my team around me alone. Just the other day I found myself reacting to an email from a team memeber. My answer was short and direct. My intentions were to make him feel undervalued and stupid. But once I stepped away I found that his point had merrit and there were things that he positioned that mattered to the situation.

So I am reminded of a better way.

Here a couple of grounding truths:

1. Real curiosity starts from a neutral mindset. It’s simple to say and tough to practice. Neutrality means I lay aside my assumptions and interpretations long enough to actually hear what’s happening. That takes thought and intentionality.
2. Curiosity requires trust. If I don’t trust the person in front of me, I won’t stay neutral. I’ll look for evidence to confirm my concerns and I’ll miss their full perspective. Trust doesn’t mean blind agreement; it means I’m willing to see what they see and understand how they got there.

With that in place, here are three practical ways to be curious without micromanaging.

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1) Create a space that isn’t threatening

Your team will not share the real story if the room doesn’t feel safe. “Safe” doesn’t mean comfortable—it means clear.

Make it clear and low-pressure:

• Set context upfront: “I want to understand how this is going so we can make a good decision—this isn’t a performance review.”
• Define the outcome: “By the end of this conversation, we’ll agree on next steps and support.”
• Remove the audience: If it’s sensitive, meet 1:1. Group settings can feel like a test.

Watch your signals:

• Sit back, open posture, take notes sparingly.
• Leave laptops closed unless you’re both looking at the same data.
• Resist rapid-fire follow-ups. Let the person finish.

Pitfall to avoid: opening with a conclusion. “This is off track—what happened?” already frames the conversation as defense. Try: “Walk me through where things stand.”

Simple script:

“I’m here to understand, not to grade. Help me see what you’re seeing. Start wherever makes sense.”

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2) Ask questions that start with what, not why

“Why” is useful for strategy. In the moment, it often sounds like judgment. “Why did you do that?” can push people to defend themselves instead of telling you what’s true.

Shift your first question:

• What is happening right now?
• What options did you consider?
• What would help you move this forward?
• What constraints am I not seeing?

Once the facts and options are on the table, then you can move to purpose: “Given that, why does option A matter more than B?”

Pitfall to avoid: leading questions. “What made you miss the deadline?” assumes the core story is failure. Better: “What changed after we set the date?”

Simple script:

“What’s the current picture? What have you tried, and what are you considering next?”

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3) Listen without interrupting

Interrupting is control in disguise. Even helpful interruptions derail clarity.

Give the story room:

• Use a visible timer (3–5 minutes). “Take three minutes to lay it out. I won’t jump in.”
• Paraphrase before responding: “Here’s what I heard… Did I get it?”
• Ask, “Is there more?”—and mean it.

Decide what you’ll do with what you hear:

• If the person owns it: offer resources, not takeovers. “What support would make the biggest difference?”
• If they’re stuck: join them in thinking, not rescuing. “What’s the smallest next step we can agree on?”

Pitfall to avoid: turning listening into a quiz. If your questions outrun their answers, you’re leading, not learning.

Simple script:

“Take a few minutes to walk me through it start to finish. I’ll listen, then we’ll plan next steps together.”

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Put it into practice this week

Pick one conversation you’re already scheduled to have. Try this:

1. Open with clarity: “This is a learning conversation so we can choose the right next step.”
2. Ask two “what” questions before any “why.”
3. Listen for three minutes without interrupting, then summarize.
4. Close with ownership: “What will you do by Friday? What support do you want from me?”

You’ll notice two shifts: you’ll see more of the real picture, and your team will carry more of the work—without you hovering.

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If this is your tipping point

If you’re leading a team of 10 or fewer and you’re tired of cycling between control and cleanup, this is the work I do. I help leaders pause, see differently, and lead with clarity, trust, and sustainable influence.

• Try my vision-creation process to get clear on where you’re going and how to get there.
• Book a short call to talk through a current leadership challenge.
• Join the Blue Collar Network for practical prompts you can use with your team

Question for you: What conversation this week would benefit from curiosity over control—and what’s the first what you’ll ask?

Resources:

Heartbeat for hire podcast

3 Habits to Unlock your Leadership – The Blog