Agribusiness Leadership provides the necessary tools to unveil the fundamental principles of
Empowered Leaders that Trust themselves and the relationships they lead and leaders who are curious to discover who they are and who they lead.
I was recently in a coaching group when the conversation turned to relationships. At first, I didn’t want to engage. I’m not perfect—and honestly, I wasn’t sure I had much to offer.
But then I mentioned a framework I’ve used before: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Ferral Click here for the book
And suddenly, my creative juices started flowing.
I’m working on communication in my own relationship. Understanding how my wife thinks—how she connects things, how she processes, how she sees the world—is key. This topic hits close to home. I hope you enjoy a few thoughts that have been helping me.
Leadership isn’t just about direction. It’s about relationship. Especially when you’re leading with someone else.
In many small businesses, it’s common to see husbands and wives, business partners, or mixed-gender teams running the operation together. It can be incredibly rewarding. It can also be frustrating.
Why? Because men and women often think differently. Not better or worse—just different.
One metaphor I’ve found helpful over the years comes from the book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Ferral. It paints a picture:
Understanding this isn’t about stereotyping. It’s about becoming curious. And if you’re going to lead well—especially across gender lines—you’ll need that curiosity.
Here are three essential practices for leading in relationship:
1. Self Awareness before Strategy
It starts here. Respect means you don’t roll your eyes when your spouse wants to talk about how everything connects to everything. It means you don’t shut down when your business partner seems focused on only one thing.
Respect says, “I see you. I trust there’s a reason you’re thinking this way.”
Curiosity is key. Instead of judging the difference, learn from it.
2. Ask Questions
Demanding conversation is a wall-building venture. It says, “Talk to me now,” which almost always triggers defensiveness. Especially when tension is high.
Instead, try: “Hey, I’d love to understand more about what you’re thinking. Can we talk later today?”
Good questions invite trust. Demands create distance.
3. Be Neutral and Intentional
Open, honest conversations don’t just happen. You have to create space for them. And that space needs to feel safe.
That means coming into the conversation ready—not reactive. Not weaponizing emotion. Not trying to win.
Sometimes the best move is to walk away for now and come back later—with curiosity, not a case to argue. That’s what real leadership looks like in relationship.
If you’re leading with someone who thinks differently than you—don’t run from the tension. Learn from it.
Understanding how men and women process, respond, and communicate is one of the most overlooked leadership skills. And it changes everything.
If you’re in a workplace that has confrontational transactions between men and women and you want practical solutions to work through them, I would love to help.
Let’s connect and discover the practical solution together.
Empowering leaders to communicate
Arlen
Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Ferral
